Gratitude as a way forward

I recently read a YA book by Neil Shusterman called Game Changer. In it, a young football player keeps shifting into alternate dimensions with every concussion he sustains. Initially, he is singleminded in his desire to get back to normal, to the way things were before; however, as he experiences different realities, is forced to live in different ways with each successive change, some of the imperfections of life as he knew it become more apparent. It is harder to let go of some of the new habits he has picked up. The return to normal is not quite as straightforward as it once seemed. 

I was unprepared for how resonant I found this idea. We are at the cusp of transitioning back to “normal.” There is light at the end of this tunnel, this inarguably tragic and unpredictable year. The superposition of vaccine availability and springtime give us a sense of hope. Yet I have noticed in myself a vein of reluctance to clutch too tightly to that hope. Alongside the eagerness to rejoin life as it was, there is a strain of melancholy for the year we had.

This melancholy is multifaceted. There is the continued mourning for the things that were lost this year - being able to go back to gatherings does not entirely made up for the celebrations that were dashed. There is the time shifted nature of grief - for those of us who have lost people in this pandemic, experiencing those losses in different ways as our lives get bigger can make the grief feel fresh. 

There are other more concrete aspects of this sadness. There were some nice things about the way life changed for some of us. It was nice to have free weekends and to have some space to breathe. Working from home while my children did  school in the room next door had its challenges but there was also a coziness about it that was surprising and hard to recreate. There is a depth to my relationship with my immediate family that may not have been there if life had carried on as usual.

At the end of Game Changer (spoiler alert!) the hero is able to make it back to his original reality. He is granted a gift which is that he is able to remember his journey through the multiverse. There is a kernel of wisdom here that I found helpful: the key in moving forward is gratitude. When I take a moment and allow myself to be grateful for what the Pandemic has taught me and shown me, even the difficult and sad lessons help me to move forward. Gratitude is both acknowledging the pain and loss and also staying open to the lessons that they may have for us. 

Gratitude allows me to look back with clear eyes before turning to the future and tightening my fingers around hope.